THINKING AHEAD
Thinking ahead is particularly important when it comes to sexual intercourse because so often it involves seriously life-changing consequences. It is important to comfortably discuss these possibilities with somebody. To figure out whether we're taking the right line of action by having sex.  

'MARGARET'-MADE UP HER OWN MIND Everything changed when I got pregnant. My father went mad wanted to take me to England for an abortion. My mother was crying all the time saying we didn't have the room or the money for a baby. The school counsellor said it was my decision. If I wanted to have the baby and maybe put it up for adoption she'd help me to continue school.    

'JOHN'-DOESN'T BOTHER TELLING THE LADS I made a mistake and it was all down to booze. I don't bother telling the other lads to be careful because I don't think they'd listen. I wonder would I have listened.  

If we can't discuss it openly we're just not ready for it. And that's okay. In a relationship we slowly build up a trust that enables us to feel comfortable talking with each other about all sorts of things. But especially our feelings and thoughts, our dreams and hopes for the future and of course any difficulties or troubles we may have.

'ANN'-WANTS SOMETHING ELSE We've started a club - like a support group for those of us who don't want to be part of drunken parties and sex. There were just 2 of us for starters but we're 5-7 now depending. We've even got our own web-site. Part of our rule is that we tell the guys from the beginning that we want friendship not sex. Some people slag us but others come up and tell us we're great. We do all kinds of activities, we take turns to decide what we do each weekend. We might do something for the local community, we're talking about that for the moment.      

Sexual feelings are often wrongly interpreted as a need to have sex, whereas it is simply the body adjusting to the gift of sexuality. We might also becoming aware of a longing for closeness and love. When we simply relax and just enjoy these wonderful feelings of our own maturing sexuality, everything will happen in it's own good time.  

'LIAM'-ENJOYS GIRLS COMPANY BUT HAS PLANS A lot of people have sex on their mind, some girls would almost rape you they are so mad for I enjoy talking to girls and one day I will take more time out to build up a serious relationship. But the way I see it, I only have so much time and energy and this is the one time in my life when I don't have to pay rent, prepare food, wash clothes etc., my one chance to find out what I'm good at, to see how I can contribute something of value to this world. I don't want to blow it.

Part of taking control of our lives is to learn to deal with all of our personal emotions. Anger, fear, enthusiasm, worry, loneliness and sexual arousal - all feelings that can cause terrible damage to ourselves and others if we don't learn to use them wisely. So we need to go easy on ourselves and take time to reflect on what action would be good for us, good for our family, our friends, the environment - the world we live in.

'BARBARA'-WANTS HONESTY AND ISN'T IN A HURRY I want somebody who I can talk to and be honest with. Somebody who doesn't have to report back to the lads. But I'm not in a hurry, I think we're at an age where we are only learning who we are and what we want and the more secure we become in ourselves the more of a chance I will have to recognise that somebody who will be a good companion as well as partner and father to my children.